Surviving Christmas once more – for many in recovery Christmas represents one of the hardest times of the year, it certainly always has done so for me. There is so much emotional stuff swirling around my unconscious at this time of year especially regarding my deceased parents which stirs up all sorts of negative emotions as well as grief, feelings of bereavement, anger, trauma etc. This activates my addictive illness quite a bit too. Suddenly alcohol is much more noticeable, stinking thinking increases and I have more resentments and self pity than at any other time of the year. I can find it hard going if I am perfectly honest and am often glad to see it over. I hope you survived this year too! This blog is how hidden trauma mixed with bereavement crept on me a few years ago and I came close to relapse. I came close to relapsing although I, hand on heart, never want to drink again. Even memories of drinking make my ill. Regardless I came close to relapse simply because of unresolved and distressing emotions that can prompt relapse. It explains how distress activates certain brain mechanisms which will drive one to relapse against one’s will. For me it explains, in terms of the brain, why we have no mental defence, at certain times, against the first drink!