About Us

“When we came into recovery we felt that our life was over but it had barely begun. 

Your very best years are ahead of you. Things do and continue to get better, and better.” 

A bit about us and what we hope to achieve in this blogsite.

Paul Henry, principal blogger and researcher, has contributed to various other addiction based websites such as  Addictionland , Klen + Sobr and  Recovery SI

This blog is written for active and recovering alcoholics (and those suffering and recovering from substance and behaviour addiction) and those who love and live with them, by alcoholics and addicts in recovery.

This blog started off as a blogsite that mixed ancedotal, experiential knowledge of being an alcoholic/addict in recovery with the very latest neuropsychological research into addiction and recovery.

It sought to mix experimental evidence with the evidence of lived experience.

As time progressed over the past year, the head started taking over the heart and the blog became more research based and less experienced based.

Now we have decided to make this blog solely about the experience of addiction and recovery.

It will not be from the head but will use the language of the heart instead to pass on what we have learnt about this illness and recovery from it.

We believe that sharing stories is one of the most profound ways to pass on knowledge and it has been since time immemorial.

Sharing our stories of illness and recovery are intrinsic to 12 step groups also and to getting well.

Stories can literally transform lives. Hopefully our stories will touch your heart too.

Recovery was a journey from our deluded heads to our hearts. But it starts with the heart saying I have had enough, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!

We will still mention research in passing but not in detail and we do also refer you to  sister blog if you would like to study or read the lastest neuro-scientific and neuro psychologcal research into this disease and disorder of addictive behaviors.

There are also various pages on this blog which talk in detail about the neuropsychology of addiction and recovery, so please have a look around as there is a library of information and research on this blogsite if you care to look around.

The real aim of this blog is that you identify with what is being written about and that it hopefully spurs you on in your recovery from addictive behaviours.

We hope to carry a message of hope, that you can recover for addictive behaviours.

Addictive behaviours are potentially fatal.

Recovery is the best thing we have ever done in our lives and we hope you can join us in recovery.

Life has been transformed and is so much better and fulfilling than any of us could have imagined – when we came into recovery we felt that our life was over but it had barely begun.

Your best years are ahead of you.

Our sister blog looks at the neuroscience of addiction and recovery in a more academic  style, setting out a conceptual framework which puts emotional processing and regulation deficits at the heart of addiction.

http://insidethealcoholicbrain.com/

 

Wont admit Cartoon crop gif

 


Sober Bloggers Directory

 

You are Not Alone!

In the final months of my active alcoholism I was living in the attic room of my house.

I drank about 6 bottles of cheap Spanish wine plus a dozen cans of strong German beer every day.

The alcohol had little effect on me by this stage. I only drank to dampen the delirium tremens, the violent shakes. I often could not control my hand enough to get alcohol into my mouth, holding my wrist steady with my other hand to raise the drink to my mouth.

Usually  cracking the bottle or tin can against my teeth.

I was no longer getting drunk anymore.

You know you are fully addicted to alcohol when it does nothing intoxicating any more.

I slept in 5-10 minute fits and busts. I did not eat for months. The television told me to kill myself and voices not belonging to me talked insistently in my head.

Alcohol-related Psychosis it is called.

No one told me this would happen when I bought my first alcoholic drink when I was fourteen years old. There was no health or warning label saying “Could lead to Psychosis and Premature Death!”

Maybe there should be.  Or at least alcohol can be addictive for some.

Anyway there is more to alcoholism than alcohol.

In the depths of this alcohol induced madness, I rarely saw my wife, who could not bring herself to look at me and what I had become.

If I could have got it together I might have killed myself.

But I couldn’t get it together. Psychosis is all involving, doesn’t leave much time for planning anything.

 

 

So I staggered on. When I say staggered, I could not actually walk more than a few yards or climb more than a few stairs.

By  the time I reached my first AA meeting

1. the alcohol had stopped “working”.

2. I had surrendered.

Regardless of these two factors, I could not admit I was alcoholic. My pride and it’s best friend shame were still talking away to me.

I was willing to admit I was addicted to alcohol and that I was about to die from it.

But alcoholic?

We often wonder why some people don’t accept their alcoholism?

How did I start my journey to acceptance?

My wife came to my first meeting of AA, she practically carried me in!

The Chair of the meeting was a person I had drank with before – I though how come he is here?

I spilled more drink than he ever drank?

Then it dawned on me that maybe I should have come here before?

Especially when he shared that he had been trying to get sober and recovered for ten years!?

I then listened to the other alcoholics sharing their stories.

The stories mentioned the progression of the alcoholism, which I obviously identified with.

They also mentioned how they, even now in recovery, struggled with their emotions and anxieties, how they found living life difficult.

They talked about issues which had bedevilled them and me since childhood, this  spiritual malady they talked of was like the emotional disease I had  suffered from all my life, whether it was depression, panic attacks, anxiety disorders, PTSD, etc.

They had used alcohol to self medicate these conditions, especially as alcohol for them had felt like an elixir for them as it had for me.  We all had all dealt with our negative emotions since adolescence in the same way.

Now a new way had to be found.

When we left the meeting my wife had a psychic change similar to the one I had.

She said these people are just like you. They can help you, I can’t.

A week before I had heard a voice in my heart, through the psychosis, saying  to go down stairs to my wife and ask her for help. I asked her for help in that round about alcoholic way of “do you think I look a bit jaundice (I actually looked like Homer Simpson with a heavy sun tan!)?

The help I asked for was not to come directly from my wife but she led me to where I could get it. In a room, full of people just like me, suffering the same illness as me.

I will be forever eternally grateful for it being there for me. For them being there.

We will be there for you too!