One Christmas I nearly relapsed!

Surviving Christmas once more – for many in recovery Christmas represents one of the hardest times of the year, it certainly always has done so for me. There is so much emotional stuff swirling around my unconscious at this time of year especially regarding my deceased parents which stirs up all sorts of negative emotions as well as grief, feelings of bereavement, anger, trauma etc. This activates my addictive illness quite a bit too. Suddenly alcohol is much more noticeable, stinking thinking increases and I have more resentments and self pity than at any other time of the year. I can find it hard going if I am perfectly honest and am often glad to see it over. I hope you survived this year too! This blog is how hidden trauma mixed with bereavement crept on me a few years ago and I came close to relapse. I came close to relapsing although I, hand on heart, never want to drink again. Even memories of drinking make my ill. Regardless I came close to relapse simply because of unresolved and distressing emotions that can prompt relapse. It explains how distress activates certain brain mechanisms which will drive one to relapse against one’s will. For me it explains, in terms of the brain, why we have no mental defence, at certain times, against the first drink!

The Alcoholics Guide to Alcoholism

One Christmas I nearly relapsed!

by alcoholicsguide

“One Christmas, I nearly relapsed. I did not wish to relapse, in fact I would rather put a gun to my head and blow my brains out! Nonetheless, I was indeed about to relapse. It seemed urgently inevitable.
The emotional distress I had suffered all over Christmas, prompted by sad unresolved feelings about my deceased parents’s had built up, aided by a few bitter arguments with my frustrated wife, into into a sheer, blind terror.
Somehow I had the sense to shakily climb the stairs to the top of the house to tell my wife that I was in trouble.My wife’s facial expression quickly flickered from hurt to heightened concern. She could tell by my quivering voice and ashen complexion that I was in trouble. I shakily walked over to sit near her. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a…

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