This blog uses excerpts from “In dreams…an illness that never sleeps!”
A main purpose of this blog The Alcoholics Guide to Alcoholism is to provide some explanation or answers to the experience of early recovery form alcoholism and addiction.
To provide some insight into the sometimes very difficult days of early recovery.
The initial days and weeks or recovery were for me some of the most challenging in recovery and I found that recovery got better and better after these at times exasperating and at times frightening and confusing first weeks.
If we can hang in there, we find things get better and fairly soon.
So here I will blog for the next week on some of the issues that very much bothered me in early recovery.
I want to give some answers that I wish had been available to me at the time so that you do not have to agonize over psychological processes which are natural, automatic and sometimes unavoidable to the early days of recovery.
I want you to know you are not alone in feeling what you are feeling, experiencing what you are experiencing in early recovery.
Hopefully this week’s blogs can be a guide through some of the issues of early recovery.
We have all gone through what you are going through, and came through as you can too!
Let’ start with “drinking dreams” – having dreams in which I was drinking alcohol was very common in the first weeks and months of recovery.
They used to terrorize my sleeping hours. I would fortunately always drink to drunkenness in these dreams and rarely at “one of two” and left it at that, although in later recovery I have had this type of dream too.
I would either awake from this drinking dreams, terrified by their content, or would awake in the morning extra tired that I had had a number of these drink-based dreams in the night.
They greatly troubled me – why was I having them, did I really still want to drink?
Was I actually committed to recovery at all? Was I kidding myself, did I simply just want to drink?
And not want to be in recovery?
Talking to my sponsor and other recovering alcoholics reassured me I was not alone and made me realise that drinking dreams were very common to alcoholics especially in the early weeks and months of recovery.
In later years I still have the odd drinking dream but this is usually when I am very anxious or worried about something and my anxiety goes and ketches the symbols I am most frightened of, which is my fear of ever drinking again.
In the last year, I have come across a great article to help newcomers in early recovery with understanding “drinking dreams”.
According to this study – drinking dreams in recovering alcoholics is not a sign of wanting to drink again but the very opposite – drinking dreams are the sign of being completely motivated not to drink and stay abstinent and in recovery!
“It is often said that we have an illness of addiction that never rests..
In the early weeks and months (years) of recovery I often had “drinking” dreams in which I would dream about drinking alcohol. In early recovery these used to scare the life out of me and confuse me greatly. Did I still want to drink?
The study (1) we cite today shows the opposite that “that alcoholics would have more drinking dreams if they wanted to stay sober and that to dream of drinking was a good indicator of continued abstinence.”
The drinking dreams, I later realised, would normally occur when I was fearful of anxious. They were fear based dreams not appetitive, i.e. they were not about wanting to drink but about being afraid of drinking again.
That would appear to my greatest fear so when I was anxious about something in my daily life, at night I would have dreams about drinking alcohol.
In these early days, fortunately, in the drinking dreams the drinking would have dire consequences and I would get out of control drunk.
Now if I have the odd drinking dream I simply use it as a prompt to look at what is going on emotionally in my life. I have to say that my dreams have increasingly used other symbols of fear and anxiety in recent years, like buildings collapsing, having to save people’s lives etc etc.
I must also be rigorously honest here and state that many of my fear based and drinking dreams occur when I have not done my step 10 properly or thoroughly. A way to a sound sleep is a sound step 10!
Anyway this study (1) from a few years ago which looked at the dreams of alcoholics. It showed that the self esteem issues that sometimes plague alcoholics in recovery are also present in their dreams although these lessen as time in recovery increases.
“This study focused on people who had self-labelled themselves as ‘Alcoholics.’ They all had a previously previous history of severe alcohol use, but were currently abstinent and recovering in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Moore (1962) found that alcoholics often dreamt of themselves as victims.
Scott (1968) found alcoholics reported significantly more dreams about drinking, often associated with guilt.
Scott concluded that alcoholic’s dreams depicted problems, conflicts, insecurity, and sadness…alcoholics were “unable to use their dreams therapeutically as do controls … alcoholics incorporate their feelings of helplessness whilst controls are able to integrate strength into their dreams” (Scott, 1968, p.1317).
Cartwright (1974) predicted that the ‘psychologically healthy’ would have greater continuity between their waking and dreaming life. This is due, in part, to the assumed internal emotional and mental equilibrium that exists in individuals with assumed psychological balance. This early literature suggests that alcoholics in early abstinence, or during hospitalization, may report dream content which is more unpleasant in terms of emotion and themes.
Studies have begun to focus on the reason why drinking dreams appear in alcoholism (or other substance misuse disorders).
Choi (1973) compared those who experienced drinking dreams at 3 months, with those who did not and found that 80% of those who had drinking dreams were still abstinent compared to 18% of those who did not.
He concluded that alcoholics would have more drinking dreams if they wanted to stay sober and that to dream of drinking was a good indicator of continued abstinence.
Denzin (1988) points out, using anecdotal reports from AA members, that drinking dreams are usually fearful, and this may reflect waking preoccupation with the fear of returning to active alcoholism, rather than a desire to return to drinking.
The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous provide a program of self-help where addiction is ‘accepted’ rather than ‘abstained’ from.
The difference between ‘acceptance’ and ‘abstinence’ is the same as the difference between being highly motivated to not drink and being highly unmotivated to not pick up the first drink or drug (Colace, 2004; Berridge, 2001).
This difference would be clearly observed in the self-construal of the ‘recovering’ alcoholics who took part in this study. If drinking dreams are indicative of where the person is in their recovery process, then wanting to drink intermittently is arguably the most natural of states that an alcoholic may find themselves in.
Drinking dreams are not predetermine indicators of relapse: how they act on may be. Rather, the occasional presence of drinking dreams which are accompanied by unpleasant emotional affect, including guilt and remorse are a common part of the recovery process(Marshall, 1995).
Knudson (2003) suggests dreams are seen as indicators of either the past (retrospective), or the present moment (concurrent), but includes a further prospective function used to make positive change.
Using this model, drinking dreams can be seen as indicators of needing to take prospective action, such as increased access to support, talking about these dreams in AA meetings, or with sponsors and therapists (McEwing, 1991; Marshall, 1995).
1. Parker, J., & Alford, C. (2009). The dreams of male and female abstinent alcoholic’s in stage II recovery compared to non-alcholic controls: are the differences significant?. International Journal of Dream Research, 2(2), 73-84.
thank you for this blog. i’ve been sober for 4 years and have been having drinking and drugging dreams for the past 2 weeks. it’s been driving me crazy, thanks for the info.
Hi Beth, sometimes I still get drinking dreams, after 14 years in recovery, when I am anxious about something or something remains unresolved in my life. A step 10 inventory before sleeping can often help.